Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
