I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
