just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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