You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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