I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
