she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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