If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
