Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
