Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
