well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Randomize
