I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
