I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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