just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
