just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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