also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
