She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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