For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
