They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
