he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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