dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just had sex on a roof
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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