My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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