if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
