flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
