Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
