i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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