So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
