just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
