i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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