so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
