I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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