Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
