I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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