What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
