Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize