i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
