And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
