i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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