Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
