there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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