Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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