It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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