I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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