Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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