I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
