when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
