So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
