How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Randomize
