I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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