It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
