You made me cry and you don't even care
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
