Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Randomize
