This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
