I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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