when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
