i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
