Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
