I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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