jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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