it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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