I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Dick very happy bro
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
