one might say we're banned from that church
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
How's work?
Spinning.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
