lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
