You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
