Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
