I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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