do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you didnt know i had herpes?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
