You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize