The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
