Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
