I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
