I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
