So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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