Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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