at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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