wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
