Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
