ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
