My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
