If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
