I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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