i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize