He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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