What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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