if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i will never coherently bang her
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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