Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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