the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
