My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
