SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
